A Published Writer? Not so Fast…

“Okay, Kelly”, said my editor, “We should be able to publish your book by the beginning of June.” That means 2022 for those of you scoring at home.

Kelly is overjoyed. “Great. I will let all of my friends and family know.

This may be a good point in the story to cue the maniacal laughter –

Muahahaha…

Announce, Promote, Boost…

Now, I also need to get some marketing ideas in to place and I know just who to call. My other Kelly. I met Kelly, from Iowa, approximately two years ago. I reached out to ask for her assistance in helping this girl make a website. What I got in return was so much more. She is a dear friend that allowed me into her life on a personal level. I look forward to our weekly calls. We talk a little business and a lot of life. Our last few phone conversations, however, have revolved around the marketing of said book.

Who else do I need on board? My cancer Facebook group moderators, for one. “May I share the link to my book, ‘Expiration Date: Straight From the Terminal Oral Cancer Ward’ with the other members of the group?”

“You may.”

I reached out to some other prominent cancer groups and organizations, as well.

Publish, Print, Release…

Now, here comes the part that I in no way, shape, or form, bargained for. Most of you already know this, but June of 2022 was not to be the date for as is said in the business, my ‘Book to Drop’. I now find myself repeating the words, “In God’s time, my dear. In God’s time.”

I am going to call my book designer, BD, for short. She and I began our working relationship on a high note. I had quite a different idea for my book cover than she did, but when she presented her designs, I was sold. I had sent her a picture of myself from my nephew Nick’s wedding and when she sent it back as a mock cover, I cried. “This is my book, this is my book”. I excitedly declared.

I was over the moon with the prospect of publishing my first book, with more to follow.

And, back to BD. As I stated before, the process started off on the right foot, but cracks in the foundation were forthcoming. “Kelly, which cover do you like best?” Decisions, decisions. “Well, BD, I like the one of me in the gray dress. My hair is growing in thicker than I could have imagined and it’s curly. What it took to get a decent hairdo.” After I chose the front cover, I chose a picture for the back, and one for the ‘About the Author’ section. We were firing on all cylinders, until…

Vanish, Fade, Disappear, Dematerialize…

Hmm… I have been sending emails to BD and she is not responding. Not a word – withdrawn, cut-off, disentangled. Has BD just ghosted me or is that a term only used in the dating world? “Hello? BD, are you there? Well, how rude!”

Off to my book editor, I run…

I frantically ask, “Is my dream crushed?” She, in turn, assures me that we will get to the bottom of this. My editor, whom we will call ED, has been ghosted as well. For me, I suppose, misery loves company. I had been meeting with both of these women on zoom calls, but now, mostly emails. No phone conversations. I suppose this is what’s called modern technology. By the way, I don’t like it at all. ED did tell me that she has the phone number for BD. “Oh, you have the coveted phone number. I see.”

Well, la-di-da…

Out of The Country and Into the Frying Pan…

A few days later, I received a lovely little email from ED, “Kelly, this is just to let you know that BD is going out of the country for a vacation.” But, of course… Why not?

Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall…

BD did return from the trip, but her stories were beginning to build and demolish like a game of Jenga. The next wooden piece that is removed may dump our construction for good. ED told me that the specs or specifications for the cover, (book designing jargon for dimensions) were not correct. The lunacy in this story is that BD began asking me over and over if the company that is supposed to make the copies of the book sent me the template generator. “Well, BD, I don’t know. What the hell is a template generator?” And while we are at it, the nerve of this woman to ask, “Would you open the link to blah, blah, blah and do blah, blah, blah with it?”

Blah, Blah, Blah is Blank…

“BD, the link that you sent me is blank and furthermore I’m done. You see, this is what I am paying you for.” My editor (ED) stepped in, again, and told me that she will see that everything is taken care of and she will keep me posted.

This seems to be the story of my life, these days.

‘We’ll keep you posted.’

And I will keep you all posted as to when you can, finally, purchase a copy of – Expiration Date: Straight From the Terminal Oral Cancer Ward. Thank you!!

.

Leave a Reply